Ok loyal readers, last rant. Engineer-man just continues to confuse. He sends me an email which states over and over how great I am but how he “honestly doesn’t know” about the age difference. Recall- he is worried about the way I will handle the age difference in 20 years (Keep in mind, people, we are 40 and 54, Not 20 and 34….). He said.. “you like some of my qualities but if we lived somewhere else you could find lots of guys like me”….again cutting himself down. I don’t get it. I just don’t get it.
Face value in the girl/boy world, this is a blow off. I have to take it as that and just move ahead. But there is some truth to his words, he is insecure with low self-esteem.
These are things I cant / wont fix.
Being right in the middle of two dating pools (the 30-somethings and the over 40’s but not yet retirement), I occasionally bend my actual age. As crazy as it is, I prefer the older crowd (read early 50’s max), so I became friends with a smart, sexy, intelligent, tall drink of water over the last few months. When we finally crossed the line between acquaintance to friends, I intro’ed him to my great group of dance-friends (read: Not clubbing, singles dance). I was still in the “googley-eyed” stage and somewhere right smack dab in front of my entire group told a bold faced lie that I was 40 (which sounded OH SO MUCH MATURE) that 39….Yes the irony of pulling something so immature in order to make one appear more mature is not lost on me. I am frankly sure most of my friends caught the lie, but have the good graces to let it slide (I mean who hasn’t fudged a year or two?)
Fast forward, I now am maintaining this lie….despite that tall drink of water has moved into to the “just friends” zone….do I just say “Hey… a few months back when I was intoxicated by your tall-drink-of-water-ness I lied and said I was 39…just to impress you like a silly girl…” And what happens in Nov when I actually do turn 40….”again”…
Oh what tangled webs we weave….
Well…its slim pickings right now. Lets review…
FWB (plus a little more for the past several months) posted for raunchy sex-capades (3x per day x 3 days). Final straw = Cut him off. Fast forward, he was out doing happy hour and drunk (?) texted me reopening the entire argument…I didn’t engage. He proceeded to text me random stupidity the entire night. Then nothing.
Cute Engineer….after a moment, plus a great group dinner, then silence…he emailed me to tell me his mom has been in the hospital…yada yada…either Mr. Sensitive (right…) or Mr. Brush-off.
Interesting Hair man – he is been popping up over the past few months…and we have now crossed into a few moments of interestingness.
Way-too-old ….<sigh> during a Captain Morgan-Diet coke inspired dance floor moment….should have never pushed this envelope…but I was intoxicated by a cologne-which-I swear-contained-cocaine…This will be revisited this weekend..and I shall appropriate level of tease but not-going-to-happen.
Looking back…I wonder if I have a more active Man-Plate than most “edgers” or if the pickings are just so slim that I must push a few peas and carrots around a pretty empty plate…
Interesting that in 13 years of marriage, you never wanted to travel, never would go to church, never would change your hair. For her, you are taking trips, going to church 2-3 x per week and seeing a “stylist”. It seems I wasn’t the only person unhappy with the man you had become. For her you share your feelings, send little messages, show affection. You were unhappy and now have changed it all.
One must sit back and wonder, what if you had made the effort to “be that happy” in our marriage? What if you had put the effort in that you obviously have in you but held back? Where would we be now?
But deep inside, I just *know* that eventually you will stop trying with her too. The cutsie notes, the attention to detail, the endless compromise, the show. Another chicka will catch your eye that makes you feel alive, aware, makes you want to try and be a better man. How do I know? I was her…remember? 15 years ago you left Frump-wife #1 for me….
You will eventually drop Mexi-whore like a burnt tortilla…..and I will laugh…oh will I laugh and Wife #1 and I will toast, and invite Wife #3 to the table for a margarita. …
At one point, we would have never considered oranges in our beer…
Dear 40-something-never-been-married (should have been a red flag)-
So we have been seeing each other a few times per month since summer. Yes, we are not exclusive but there are feelings there, both sides, we enjoy hanging and definitely enjoy horizontal recreational activities. Every month or two, we tiptoe a little too close to a “Real” relationship, one of us (usually me) gets a bit clingy and the other one (usually him) does something stupid…
For example….we are at the “near relationship” point having a great time (Less you get your guthers up and post that I should cut him off, yada yada..shush now, I digress). So we are flirting with this exclusivity point…I get a text “I miss you”….ahhhh sweet…as I hop on a plane for my monthly 3-4 nights of travel. Call it intuition, instinct….or just flat out knowing how the male mind works…Checked Craigslist- M4W – WHAM…..5 minutes after that text, he posts for NSA sex hook up. Clearly the pic is him (no denying).
Over the next 5 hour flight (YES five hours…), we proceed to have an email spare, and that’s it. Obviously we aren’t progressing down any path except for a STD-riddled broken heart.
Seriously…Craigslist? NSA? Have some class…..